i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
