I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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