As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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