She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
