was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
what day is it and did you see me today?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
