Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
