When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
