Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
