Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I could fuck to npr.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
