I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
