I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
