Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
