dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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