I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
