Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
