party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
