he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
