How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
