I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
