You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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