Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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