His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
