there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
