dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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