Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
