And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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