so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
