I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
