Cold hands, warm shart.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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