I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
