I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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