Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
