he thought i was a dude.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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