He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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