shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
