it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
