I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
