Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
