I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
