I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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