after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
