went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
