Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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