I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
