I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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