you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
