Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
