Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
