zippers are such a cool invention
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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