If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
