Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
