You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
